Tuesday, September 3, 2013

You Can't Make This Shit Up

I think I might have to change the name of my blog to "You Can't Make This Shit Up."

I sometimes wonder if people think I am making up some of the stories I tell about my life and my children. If I didn't live through it, I wouldn't believe it myself.  This morning was no exception.

It is pretty common for Tom to wake me up at 5:00 a.m. to ask wardrobe questions.  Despite 10 years of dressing him and explaining time and time again that you absolutely may not wear black shoes with navy blue pants, he still has the nerve to ask.  Other days it is the eternal argument of whether his pants are grey, brown or green.  I'm pretty sure he's color blind but won't admit it.  Therefore, we have an impossible conversation where I have to convince him that his eyes are playing tricks on him and to trust me.  Other times he asks for my opinion and then complains about what I end up picking for him.  If he asks me more than three questions, it is pretty much a given that I will not be able to fall back asleep.  He is able to pay money at work towards a charity in order to wear jeans for certain months at a time and it is worth every penny.

When Tom woke me this morning, I figured it was a question about whether or not he had clean boxers, but instead he asked if I had seen his phone.  I was puzzled because he usually has his phone attached to him, but he said he plugged it into the charger before he went to bed and it wasn't there.  We looked everywhere and were still left scratching our heads.  It appeared someone had broken into our house and only stolen Tom's phone.  Seemed unreasonable since we have an alarm system and most seasoned crooks would likely opt for more quality and quantity, and not just an iPhone 4 with a cracked case.  I joked that perhaps the Tooth Fairy stole it since she visited Maddie last night.  I finally suggested Colin as the culprit, and Tom found it hard to believe our little sound-sleeper would wake up in the middle of the night, unplug the phone and bring it up to his room. I decided to check anyway since we had exhausted all our efforts, and the only thing more ridiculous was the Tooth Fairy theory to fall back on.

 I entered Colin's room to find him under the covers, with Tom's phone and a flashlight, watching Netflix. I snatched it from him and brought it down to Tom so he could get to work.  Tom heard Colin crying and ran upstairs to console him.  Surprisingly, Tom was very calm and understanding.  I think he was actually more impressed than anything.

I told Colin he could come sleep in my bed for the rest of the morning, but still couldn't figure out why he was up in the middle of the night.  I asked him if he was trying to catch a glimpse of the Tooth Fairy.  He crawled into bed with me and a few minutes later proclaimed he wanted to go back to his own room.  I told him he had to go back to bed and not stay up an play.  Within a few minutes he was back again, curled up and fell asleep.  Luckily, after all my super sleuthing, I was able to fall back to sleep as well.  

When I woke up about an hour later, Maddie came downstairs and reported that the Tooth Fairy had not come.  I went up to help her look for the money, I myself planted the night before, and it was nowhere to be found.  It only took me a few moments to realize where the next place to look was.  I marched into Colin's room and found the money under his pillow.  In short, my four-year old had lifted electronics and cash in the middle of the night.  This does not bode well for his future.

I still maintain that all the money we are saving for Colin to go to college will end up going towards bail money some day.  Looks like we'll have to save his Tooth Fairy money too, just in case. 

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