Sh!t, Damn, Motherboard

E.L. James says she wrote Fifty Shades of Grey on her Blackberry, so I guess there's no reason I can't write blog posts on my iPhone, right?

I know that my posts ping-pong between uplifting, positive and motivational life events and the really ridiculous things that happen to me and the things my kids and husband do to make me contemplate picking up and becoming an aerobics instructor at a resort in the Caribbean. Today's post is most definitely the latter of the two.

Let's start of on a positive note, though. Tom and I were fortunate to go on another trip that he won through work. Tom actually came in a very close second in the sales competition, but the winner's wife was having a baby the week of the trip. So, by the grace of God, we were off to the Cayman Islands. Of course, when we arrived the weather report said it would rain for the next 5 days. I said a prayer to my Pa, who usually comes through and delivers great weather for various events. As luck would have it, the weather held up with only a few spotty showered here and there until the day we left and a tropical depression rolled in. The rain was so bad planes were not landing at the airport, jeopardizing our flight home.

At that point I was missing my kids, had done enough damage to my liver and just wanted to get home. I said one more a silent prayer to Pa and within 2 minutes our plane landed. Luckily we weren't delayed for too long and still made our connecting flight in Charlotte and got home right on schedule.

Of course divine intervention came to a screeching halt shortly after we returned home. It took me a few days to get back in the swing of things and regain tolerance for all the whining, crying, complaining and general shenanigans. Maddie graduated from preschool and I had to make sure I had gifts for her teachers since buying them rum from the Cayman's called "Big Black Dick" seemed inappropriate nor was buying them a case of beer like we did for our neighbors who watched our pets.

Of course returning home also meant returning to the reality of all the drama that comes with our children, including the fact that prior to our trip Colin was suspended from the childcare center at they gym for 3 months for biting again.  We were fortunate to get his sentenced reduced to one month as long as when we return we go later in the day to avoid the busy time in the morning when we normally go.  I could go into a tirade about this issue in an of itself, but let's just say after taking him to the child psychologist, it turns out the problem isn't him. 

The day I took him to the psychologist,  I was nearing the end of a 3-day laundry marathon and moving on to all the housework. Unfortunately the maid service I enjoyed at the Ritz-Carlton was a distant memory. Despite the fact I cleaned the entire house before we left, I came home to enough dog hair to create another husky.

Maddie asked if she could play games om disneyjunior.com while I vacuumed.  Let me start by saying we have two other laptops in the house that Maddie can use, but she is a computer snob and insists on using mine.  Of course, being the pushover that I am, have given her permission to do so.  Now, typically if the kids are going to play on my computer I make sure there are no liquids anywhere near where they are playing since it is a brand new Mac Book Pro that Tom got me for Christmas.

Within ten minutes into vacuuming, Colin had already unplugged the vacuum five times. Between vacuuming, yelling at him and putting him on time out, I didn't notice that Maddie had helped herself to a glass of water and managed to spill it all over my laptop.  She was yelling something at me, which she typically does while I am vacuuming despite the fact she knows full well I can't hear her and it took me a few seconds to realize what she was actually telling me.  I screamed at the top of my lungs, grabbed the computer and did my best to drain the water off and out of it.  It was still operating and I simply shut it and put it aside.

Later that day, I opened it up hoping it would still work, but it was dead.  I promptly packed it in rice for the next 4 days.  On Tuesday morning I set it on the table, said an Our Father and attempted to turn it on.  Nothing.  I called to make an appointment at the Mac Store until Tom told me it would actually be better to take it to CDW (where Tom works and where we purchased it) since repair would be cheaper.  I had to drive 45 minutes each way only to find out the next day that it would cost us a cool $1,100 to repair the mother board assuming there wasn't any other damage.  They did determine the hard drive was still Okay, which means at least all my files aren't lost.  I think the proper reaction to this stituation, besides crying, is to use my favorite list of explitives, Shit, Damn, Motherf*%#r! or in this case, Shit, Damn, Motherboard.

Tom said that he wouldn't pay repair the computer.  For that amount we could pretty much buy a new one since there was no guarantee that spending the money to replace the motherboard would be the end of our expense to fix it.  My heart sank. I know that it is just a machine, but everything I do from writing this blog, to preparing music for my cycle classes revolves around that computer.  All my life's passions and goals for the coming year involving my writing, fizzled along with the motherboard. Guess precipitation we were spared in the Cayman's decided to land squarely on the keyboard of my laptop.  And it was so nice and pretty and shiny and only six months OLD!!!  Of course, I then started on the second emotion--self-loathing.  If Tom used the "Love and Logic" method of parenting with me, he would say "too bad, so-sad.  No new computer for you. You weren't paying attention to what our kid was doing, therefore you suffer the consequences."  And that was basically what he was doing and I can't say that I blame him.  I suck.

I flashed back to my childhood and how I was always messing up.  Spilling nail polish remover on the linoleum floor leaving a huge yellow spot, losing things, forgetting books in my locker when I needed them for homework, losing library books, and the list goes on and on.  Even as an adult I am notorious for losing things (like wedding bands and ruby and diamond earrings), to ruining electronics like my last iPod Nano that I trashed when my water bottle spilled in my purse and fried it.  I am surprised my iPhone has lasted this long!  Even Tom has an under-over on how long it will take me to destroy it.  Too bad we didn't invest in Apple Care on the laptop like we did my phone.

Sometimes I wish I could just give it all up--all the phones, computers, iPods, Apple TV, Kindle and all the electronics that we are slaves to and become Amish.  Of course, I'm not sure Tom would make it since he can't grow a beard. 

The jury is still out on whether or not we will replace my laptop.  Tom tried to take advantage of a promotion at work that had special pricing on Mac's, but he would have had to place the order by May 26th and that was the day the computer met it's maker.  He tried to work his magic with his contact at work explaining the situation, but it was a no-go.  Instead we would have to pay an extra $300 for the same computer. Just our luck.

So, here I sit going between typing this entry on my iPhone and my old laptop that is slow as molasses, and the "i" and "x" keys are popped off thanks to Colin. Clearly Maddie takes after me when it comes to her high standards when it comes to technology. Still, I feel like might be better off chiseling this on stone. For this reason, I apologize for any typos above and beyond my usual amount. 

My biggest frustration is with my iTunes.  I have collected so much music over the last several years especially more recently for my cycle classes.  I take a lot of pride in my play lists for class and feel lost without my library.  I tried getting a subscription to iCloud to see if I can retrieve my music, but for some reason it won't let me even purchase the subscription to see if will work.

I've thought about ways to raise money to replace my computer and a few ideas have cropped up--some good, some not so good.  I've decided pole dancing and selling organs are among the bad ideas.  I'd have to teach an awful lot of cycle and Pilates classes at the gym to make over $1,000 especially since I have just about exhausted my free babysitting resources seeing as how I can't bring Colin to the free daycare at the gym.  I suppose I could hold a 5k, but something tells me a race to benefit my technology addiction and snobbery isn't as compelling as Cancer or sick kids.  That thought alone puts me back into "I hate myself" mode. Unless any of you have some sort of job or task you want to hire me to do, my neighbor and I are going to hold a garage sale in a few weeks and we are going to have Maddie set up a lemonade stand and see if we can have a "I spilled water on my mommy's laptop and she's making me buy her a new one" sign to see if we can get any sympathy donations.  I truly am shameless.

Instead I might take a picture of all the Apple products I've bought with the exception of my IIgs that is now in the Smithsonian and send it along with a compelling letter to Tim Cook, CEO of Apple.  I'd tell him how loyal I am to Apple, how I was trying to nuture a future Apple-user by letting my daughter use my computer and beg and plead for them to fix my Mac Book.  Since I don't have my computer to download the pictures, I guess that isn't possible. I suppose I can make a list, or maybe make it even more compelling by having Maddie draw a picture and mail it to him! That would really tug at his heartstrings!!  If that fails all I have left to do is say a prayer to Steve Jobs and hope that he and my Pa have become friends in heaven and he can pull some strings for me.

Dear Mr. Cook,

Recently my 4-year old daughter spillled a cup of water on my Mac Book Pro and it seems it will cost a minimum of $1,100 to repair the motherboard.  Over my lifetime, I have owned at least a dozen Apple products including, but not limited to:

1) Apple IIgs
2) 5 iPods of various generations
3) 2 iPhones
4) 1 Mac Mini
5) 1 iPad 
6) Nike + Pod for running
7) 1, now deceased Mac Book Pro



I also grew up using Apple products  in school, designed my high school and college newspapers on Mac's and wanted to pass on my love of Apple products to my daughter by allowing her to use my laptop when she spilled the water on it.

I am sure you are a busy man, but as a loyal customer, I am asking for you to consider my request to repair my computer or replace it since I know your new model will be coming out soon.  I will tell everyone I know of your kindness should you choose to accomidate my request.

Sincerely,

Michelle Stien


P.S. I am a blogger and write a column for a local magazine that I can utilize to mention Apple Computers and your kindness.